John Colgan (21), Swords - ‘He was full of life, always upbeat’

The inquests into the deaths of the 48 young people who died in the Stardust fire in Artane, Dublin in 1981 feature pen portraits of each of the deceased by bereaved family members. Find all of the portraits and more coverage here.

Johnny was my brother, my father’s right hand, his only son and best friend; my mother’s pride and joy. She adored him.

[His] favourite song was Lovely Day by Bill Withers. It summed up his outlook on life – always upbeat, always looking forward to each day.

My dad had his own business at the time, painting and decorating. Johnny was a natural. He was 21 but he was the best. If there were any expensive fabrics, Hessians or silk wallcoverings to hang Johnny did them.

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While working for a time in St John of Gods, some of the patients would watch him working. He was always so patient with them. Sometimes at lunchtime Johnny would sing and play his guitar for them. He could only play one song. It had three chords, I think. So he would just play that over and over. They loved him.

He was full of life – loved playing football, a pint with the lads, a dance and was always up for the craic. He had a side that very few people saw, a kindness, a gentleness. Love, it radiated from him.

We were told that on the night of the Stardust fire, my brother helped his best friend Kenny to safety. Kenny said Johnny got out, but he went back in because he could hear girls crying in the toilets.

The hardest part of losing Johnny has always been his absence at family gatherings. There is always something missing from these occasions. With each passing year and each family occasion, I couldn’t help but wonder if Johnny were here, would he have a wife now and maybe some children? Would mam and dad have had more grandchildren to love and spoil?

The Stardust fire affected me deeply and irreparably – the loss of my brother, the hurt and loss to my parents and sister left me feeling vulnerable. I still worry terribly about everyone near and dear to me. The security that comes from family life has never returned.

I can now speak for my mam and dad as they have both passed away. The affect on dad was devastating. I honestly believed he never recovered ... I have horrible memories of finding him on all fours in the bathroom, crying and pleading for help to see a way forward. He did manage to move forward with the strength and support of my mother.

I am so sad my mam and dad didn’t live to see a resolution to the Stardust but I am also happy that my mam, dad and Johnny are together now resting in peace. No one can harm them any more.

I am hopeful now the new inquest, with the help of our solicitor Darragh Mackin, coroner Dr Myra Cullinane and her team of experts, will find justice for the families and finally bring the peace, healing and closure we so urgently need.