Jacqueline Croker (19), Kilmore West - ‘She loved Dolly Parton, Johnny Logan, John Lennon, Diana Ross’

The inquests into the deaths of the 48 young people who died in the Stardust fire in Artane, Dublin in 1981 feature pen portraits of each of the deceased by, read by bereaved family members. Find all of the portraits and more coverage here.

Jackie was seven years older than me and we shared a bedroom. We would put records on while she was getting dressed and ready to go out. [She] loved Dolly Parton, Johnny Logan, John Lennon, Diana Ross.

[She] worked from when she was 15-years-old to contribute to the house. Dad always got his wages on a Thursday and kept a separate wallet for my mam’s house. Times were very hard for working-class families and Jackie’s help was of immense importance.

My dad had to get up early for work. He heard on the world news at five past 5am there had been a fire at the Stardust. There were 16 houses on one side of our road from which young people had been at the Stardust.

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We had no phone so we had to go next door to Shirley, Tracy and Paul McGregor to use their phone. They were also in the Stardust that night.

My dad came home from the morgue and I was called in and told that Jackie had died.

It’s not as simple as just one person being lost to our family. Everyone knew everyone in our community and each loss was felt by the community as well as the families. Living at home after the Stardust fire, you wouldn’t be able to get on to a bus without seeing someone either with visible scarring from a burn or someone who had lost someone in the fire.

On Tuesday, there were four coffins laid out in the church. One was that of Julie McDonnell, who was my football coach. One was of Caroline Carey, who I knew from Irish dancing. One was Michael Griffiths, who I knew through Jackie, and one was our Jackie.

The family was very affected by Jacqueline’s death. My father was a gentle giant. I think that because he loved us so much, he was terrified of being hurt again if anything were to happen to myself or my brother and I think this is why he pushed us away after this happened. He relied on alcohol to help him cope.

Years later I moved to England. This was really hard on my Mam and Dad. I went to live in Blackpool but came home that year for Christmas and saw that they missed me so I never went back. After going through so much trauma from losing children staying close felt like the most important thing.

I can’t ever put what happened to the back of my mind, even if I want to. I look at fire exits obsessively. My kids have to let me know if their plans change. They have to ring me from their friends’ house when they arrive.

My mam is 90 in three weeks, and I’d love to be able to bring her some kind of closure. Thank you for this opportunity to tell you about my big sister.